Sleeping

My children are both sleeping at the moment and I am overwhelmed by a feeling of such tremendous peace and thanksgiving that I can't help but cry. As the tears fall freely onto my lap, I smile and think of Madison and Ethan's sweet faces. Madison's laugh, so full of life and joy, that when I rest my head on my pillow at night, I can hear it echo in my ears. Ethan's sweet smile and sigh that replays over and over in my mind so much that I can barely think of anything else. The love that fills my chest at this moment is so great, that I can barely breathe. I truly do love these children so much it hurts. I can remember the night before Ethan was born, looking at Madison and thinking to myself how she didn't look like such a big kid anymore. She seemed so incredibly tiny and so needy. I turned inward to my thoughts as I worried about the future and how on Earth I could ever love another child as much as I love her. How would that be possible? And then what seemed like moments later, Ethan was placed in my arms and my chest almost exploded from the size my heart grew to. Tonight I praise God for all of his tremendous blessings in my life. I am so unworthy of the small moments of unparamounted joy that I get to witness on a daily basis. Laying nose to nose with that small bundle of love named Ethan. Secretly smelling the top of Madison's head as she sits next to me to hear a story or play a game.

Thank you God. You are so good.